Saturday, April 24, 2004
yah i am dead bored.. yah i know i got an exam coming please dun nag at me anymore i just feel so sick of everything suddenly haa haa why? dun ask me i cant really explain my weird actions now...and everyday i just feel like flying away some where far...
please dun ask me...
please dun ask me how....
please dun ask me when....
please dun ask me anything....
just let me die will you.
please dun ask me...
please dun ask me how....
please dun ask me when....
please dun ask me anything....
just let me die will you.
9:23 PM
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9:22 PM
Wednesday, April 21, 2004
Slippers- happy, sweet, and adorable, you are well
loved by everyone. People cannot help but like
you. You love to be surrounded by people that
love you, who- in your case- is anyone. [please
vote! thank you! :)]
What Kind of Shoe Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla
7:09 PM
Tuesday, April 20, 2004
" Being Twenty-Something........."
They call it the "Quarter-life Crisis." It is when you stop going along with the crowd and start realizing that there are many things about yourself that you didn't know and may not like. You start feeling insecure and wonder where you will be in a year or two, but then get scared because you barely know where you are now.
You start realizing that people are selfish and that, maybe, those friends that you thought you were so close to aren't exactly the greatest people you have ever met, and the people you have lost touch with are some of the most important ones. What you don't recognize is that they are realizing that too, and aren't really cold, catty, mean or insincere, but that they are as confused as you.
You look at your job...and it is not even close to what you thought you would be doing, or maybe you are looking for a job and realizing that you are going to have to start at the bottom and that scares you.
Your opinions have gotten stronger. You see what others are doing and find yourself judging more than usual because suddenly you realize that you have certain boundaries in your life and are constantly adding things to your list of what is acceptable and what isn't.
One minute, you are insecure and then the next, secure. You laugh and cry with the greatest force of your life. You feel alone and scared and confused. Suddenly, change is the enemy and you try and cling on to the past with dear life, but soon realize that the past is drifting further and further away, and there is nothing to do but stay where you are or move forward.
You get your heart broken and wonder how someone you loved could do such damage to you. Or you lay in bed and wonder why you can't meet anyone decent enough that you want to get to know better. Or maybe you love someone but love someone else too and cannot figure out why you are doing this because you know that you aren't a bad person.
One night stands and random hook ups start to look cheap. Getting wasted and acting like an idiot starts to look pathetic. You go through the same emotions and questions over and over, and talk with your friends about the same topics because you cannot seem to make a decision. You worry about loans, money, the future and making a life for yourself.... and while winning the race would be great, right now you'd just like to be a contender!
What you may not realize is that everyone reading this relates to it We are in our best of times and our worst of times, trying as hard as we can to figure this whole thing out.
Yah i got this wholesale from Lovehurts forum.... hmm it's so bloody true...
They call it the "Quarter-life Crisis." It is when you stop going along with the crowd and start realizing that there are many things about yourself that you didn't know and may not like. You start feeling insecure and wonder where you will be in a year or two, but then get scared because you barely know where you are now.
You start realizing that people are selfish and that, maybe, those friends that you thought you were so close to aren't exactly the greatest people you have ever met, and the people you have lost touch with are some of the most important ones. What you don't recognize is that they are realizing that too, and aren't really cold, catty, mean or insincere, but that they are as confused as you.
You look at your job...and it is not even close to what you thought you would be doing, or maybe you are looking for a job and realizing that you are going to have to start at the bottom and that scares you.
Your opinions have gotten stronger. You see what others are doing and find yourself judging more than usual because suddenly you realize that you have certain boundaries in your life and are constantly adding things to your list of what is acceptable and what isn't.
One minute, you are insecure and then the next, secure. You laugh and cry with the greatest force of your life. You feel alone and scared and confused. Suddenly, change is the enemy and you try and cling on to the past with dear life, but soon realize that the past is drifting further and further away, and there is nothing to do but stay where you are or move forward.
You get your heart broken and wonder how someone you loved could do such damage to you. Or you lay in bed and wonder why you can't meet anyone decent enough that you want to get to know better. Or maybe you love someone but love someone else too and cannot figure out why you are doing this because you know that you aren't a bad person.
One night stands and random hook ups start to look cheap. Getting wasted and acting like an idiot starts to look pathetic. You go through the same emotions and questions over and over, and talk with your friends about the same topics because you cannot seem to make a decision. You worry about loans, money, the future and making a life for yourself.... and while winning the race would be great, right now you'd just like to be a contender!
What you may not realize is that everyone reading this relates to it We are in our best of times and our worst of times, trying as hard as we can to figure this whole thing out.
Yah i got this wholesale from Lovehurts forum.... hmm it's so bloody true...
4:53 PM
Sunday, April 18, 2004
i am feeling so sick......
i vomited just all the gastric juice.... i just suddenly had a whirling headache ...cool shit wat a day to start of my Sunday...
"as if things hadn't been that bad enough le"
seriously, do i look like a counsellor to you... maybe i am just a good person to give advice to? why do all seek me when i am at the desolated bottom... is it through counselling that i am at a worse off state than you r that makes u feel better abt yrself and yr situation?....
"i am in pain"...
Stop worrying cos the real problems are those u never thought about and when the time come for those problems... then it's really time to put on yr thinking cap and seek solutions out .. rather than killing yr brain cells over unsignificant matters that may seem childish to you later..... do learn to let go
" saying is easy doing it is another matter"..
i vomited just all the gastric juice.... i just suddenly had a whirling headache ...cool shit wat a day to start of my Sunday...
"as if things hadn't been that bad enough le"
seriously, do i look like a counsellor to you... maybe i am just a good person to give advice to? why do all seek me when i am at the desolated bottom... is it through counselling that i am at a worse off state than you r that makes u feel better abt yrself and yr situation?....
"i am in pain"...
Stop worrying cos the real problems are those u never thought about and when the time come for those problems... then it's really time to put on yr thinking cap and seek solutions out .. rather than killing yr brain cells over unsignificant matters that may seem childish to you later..... do learn to let go
" saying is easy doing it is another matter"..
10:49 AM
Saturday, April 17, 2004
Heart of Gold
What is Your Heart REALLY Made of?
brought to you by Quizilla
7:05 PM
Friday, April 16, 2004
hmmm haa haa it's such a quiet friday night.....
some things just seem different le, u know how things always surprise u at the very last minute?.... well... maybe i shouldn mention surprise..i wasnt anticipating for it anyway...
dun really understand wat i am feeling now....a bit sad on the inside i guess... somehow just cant seem to be really happy....isnt it good that we sometimes have a mask?... to hide our innermost feelings.. so raw and fragile...we only show it to those we trust... yet sometimes they r the ones who hurt us most...
some things just seem different le, u know how things always surprise u at the very last minute?.... well... maybe i shouldn mention surprise..i wasnt anticipating for it anyway...
dun really understand wat i am feeling now....a bit sad on the inside i guess... somehow just cant seem to be really happy....isnt it good that we sometimes have a mask?... to hide our innermost feelings.. so raw and fragile...we only show it to those we trust... yet sometimes they r the ones who hurt us most...
11:26 PM
Wednesday, April 14, 2004
lol i ate so much today and so i went to jog quite an achievement okie for a lazy bum like me LOLOL hee hee i jogged like one and a half hrs like ard 11 km le =P anyway there was no yan dao for me to bio lol but though i dun see my tummy getting smaller =( i feel happy lol must be the endo... released after exercise lol they make u happy :D... hee hee oKie at least after jogging i wun go binge on food lol =P exhausting leh maybe i am getting old le =P
Lol i decided if i have kids next time i will call my boys Ryan and Thomas =P no particular reason though i find guys with this name usaully quite yan dao and clever LOLOL me and my toot ideas =P
hmm Listening to this Love by Maroon 5.. lol not that bad but i always like harder to breathe and yah these days suck no more daniel ong and carrie chong on the morning show le... that hykel Bleah i dun like him the way he hosts the show hes like so touchy and abt to quarrel every morning bleah..... dunno why they go invite him to be dj LOL maybe i will make a better DJ LMAO.. yah actually last time i think abt being a dj LOl after i love music so much and crapping is my talent LOL.. but i still get the jitters from public talking esp when presenting slide shows to my class LOL YAH MAN i forget to go look at wat formal wear to put on for next Wed presentation =|
haa haa i feel younger after exercising lol i think i have to stop eating kuehs from now so fattening =| haiz....... dunno why i fat so easily lOL i always wish i am one of those gers eat and eat and never grow fat one..
hmm SIngaporeans are really one of a kind... the blackout yesterday was like SUCH A HAPPY NEWS TO THEM. .. I dun know maybe it is the monotonous lifestyle in SIngapore .. ANy minor thing happen SIngaporeans go ballistic abt it -_- dionk my dad can even say it might be a terrorist attack right at that very moment i felt like going over and whack him on his head.. "it was so hot..."
i feel kinda konked out these days... " this is not enough..."
Suddenly i am like so dissatissfied with some things in my life... have i changed? =|
Yesterday i had a weird dream ... my bf left me... yah after a huge quarrel... after i sms him there were no replys and at that moment i suddenly felt lost though maybe it was time for us to focus on other areas of our life ... the being dumped feeling was ...... needless to say ..bad... i woke up with cold sweat..
My dear if u are reading this ...... i just want to tell you i am glad you have brought so much joy to my life and i really enjoy yr accompany at times but sometimes i feel like something is missing... Please dun get angry or upset ...i really dun know wat to tell you.. it's not that other guys has intruded my life... or wat ever .. i just suddenly felt that we are like jammed somewhere....Unable to progress.... it's so hard to say how i feel and maybe u think i am talking rots and i dun know wat i want... but this is how i feel..i dun know wat leads us in the future for the future is forever that uncertain but one thing for sure i really wun forget you and i felt really bad at the times i was so bad to you.... maybe i have lost it =( ...
" please please...forgive me...."
Lol i decided if i have kids next time i will call my boys Ryan and Thomas =P no particular reason though i find guys with this name usaully quite yan dao and clever LOLOL me and my toot ideas =P
hmm Listening to this Love by Maroon 5.. lol not that bad but i always like harder to breathe and yah these days suck no more daniel ong and carrie chong on the morning show le... that hykel Bleah i dun like him the way he hosts the show hes like so touchy and abt to quarrel every morning bleah..... dunno why they go invite him to be dj LOL maybe i will make a better DJ LMAO.. yah actually last time i think abt being a dj LOl after i love music so much and crapping is my talent LOL.. but i still get the jitters from public talking esp when presenting slide shows to my class LOL YAH MAN i forget to go look at wat formal wear to put on for next Wed presentation =|
haa haa i feel younger after exercising lol i think i have to stop eating kuehs from now so fattening =| haiz....... dunno why i fat so easily lOL i always wish i am one of those gers eat and eat and never grow fat one..
hmm SIngaporeans are really one of a kind... the blackout yesterday was like SUCH A HAPPY NEWS TO THEM. .. I dun know maybe it is the monotonous lifestyle in SIngapore .. ANy minor thing happen SIngaporeans go ballistic abt it -_- dionk my dad can even say it might be a terrorist attack right at that very moment i felt like going over and whack him on his head.. "it was so hot..."
i feel kinda konked out these days... " this is not enough..."
Suddenly i am like so dissatissfied with some things in my life... have i changed? =|
Yesterday i had a weird dream ... my bf left me... yah after a huge quarrel... after i sms him there were no replys and at that moment i suddenly felt lost though maybe it was time for us to focus on other areas of our life ... the being dumped feeling was ...... needless to say ..bad... i woke up with cold sweat..
My dear if u are reading this ...... i just want to tell you i am glad you have brought so much joy to my life and i really enjoy yr accompany at times but sometimes i feel like something is missing... Please dun get angry or upset ...i really dun know wat to tell you.. it's not that other guys has intruded my life... or wat ever .. i just suddenly felt that we are like jammed somewhere....Unable to progress.... it's so hard to say how i feel and maybe u think i am talking rots and i dun know wat i want... but this is how i feel..i dun know wat leads us in the future for the future is forever that uncertain but one thing for sure i really wun forget you and i felt really bad at the times i was so bad to you.... maybe i have lost it =( ...
" please please...forgive me...."
11:03 PM
Tuesday, April 13, 2004
hmm haa haa it's morning... I can't believe my persistance last night actually slept at ard three? i fell alseep till four before i had printed out my reports what a night... hmm i cried again.. this time it was like sudden break down... Not sure what had actually triggered off my tear ducts... but maybe all along some things were just suppressed in my sub concious for a time too long already.
Well what was i stress abt... "i dunno"
Actually i think i know the truth but sometimes i dun know whether saying it out would help... maybe i will just burden more people with my troubles..and once everything is out...maybe things will change and right now i am sick of things changing all the time nothing seems to be constant dun you think so...yah when things chnge you have to adjust to try to feel comfortable once again... it's just so tiring to keep changing.
And my classmate said i have grown fat well ain't that nice. =\ Of course it isn't but with my binging problem it's not funny that fats have started to acculmulate.. well at least i am still 50 kg =| hmmm never mind when the holidays come i shall get rid of the fats Urghz...
Anyway my friend seems to have found a really nice gf =P well He's lucky i dun think a lot of pple treasure their loved ones these days...and from the way i see it if everyhting goes smoothly .... LOL they may really be with each other in future...that's really sweet =P i somehow felt happy for my friend =D
lol.. Mum saying stuff again.. " i am tired... very can't you see.. my shell has come off crumbling"
Well what was i stress abt... "i dunno"
Actually i think i know the truth but sometimes i dun know whether saying it out would help... maybe i will just burden more people with my troubles..and once everything is out...maybe things will change and right now i am sick of things changing all the time nothing seems to be constant dun you think so...yah when things chnge you have to adjust to try to feel comfortable once again... it's just so tiring to keep changing.
And my classmate said i have grown fat well ain't that nice. =\ Of course it isn't but with my binging problem it's not funny that fats have started to acculmulate.. well at least i am still 50 kg =| hmmm never mind when the holidays come i shall get rid of the fats Urghz...
Anyway my friend seems to have found a really nice gf =P well He's lucky i dun think a lot of pple treasure their loved ones these days...and from the way i see it if everyhting goes smoothly .... LOL they may really be with each other in future...that's really sweet =P i somehow felt happy for my friend =D
lol.. Mum saying stuff again.. " i am tired... very can't you see.. my shell has come off crumbling"
11:40 AM
Saturday, April 10, 2004
maybe time has changed everything .. it just doesnt seem like the past anymore have i changed? maybe..
sometimes.. i feel disappointed yah ... sad a little just a bit " i dun understand why it has to be like that." have i changed? No longer me... it sounds weird.. everyone has a lot of different personas. Dun you think so? for a moment we seem very very talkative next moment we r all quiet... sOmetimes i bawl like it's the end of everything other times i cannot stop laffing..
This is how you remind me.... maybe i was clouded by everything at first it was all along my own delusions? yah maybe ...after all nothing is perfect in this world... everyone falls..sometimes the more u think everyone is ok with you the more enemies that seem to arise and sometimes u r kept in the dark about everything... Isn't it funny how we keep looking at the mistakes of others but fail to see our very own faults.. we have two eyes looking very far ahead... but sometimes we forget to look beyond our very own skin....
Yah indeed i have countless faults and no matter how much angelic i try to be these days it seems hard... maybe a part of me has somewat died? yah maybe.. maybe it's just endless typing of reports making me numb to everything in the world..
"yes.... i said it's finer than before but i dun think so no more..."
yah... everything seemed to have somehow fade into the night..
sometimes.. i feel disappointed yah ... sad a little just a bit " i dun understand why it has to be like that." have i changed? No longer me... it sounds weird.. everyone has a lot of different personas. Dun you think so? for a moment we seem very very talkative next moment we r all quiet... sOmetimes i bawl like it's the end of everything other times i cannot stop laffing..
This is how you remind me.... maybe i was clouded by everything at first it was all along my own delusions? yah maybe ...after all nothing is perfect in this world... everyone falls..sometimes the more u think everyone is ok with you the more enemies that seem to arise and sometimes u r kept in the dark about everything... Isn't it funny how we keep looking at the mistakes of others but fail to see our very own faults.. we have two eyes looking very far ahead... but sometimes we forget to look beyond our very own skin....
Yah indeed i have countless faults and no matter how much angelic i try to be these days it seems hard... maybe a part of me has somewat died? yah maybe.. maybe it's just endless typing of reports making me numb to everything in the world..
"yes.... i said it's finer than before but i dun think so no more..."
yah... everything seemed to have somehow fade into the night..
6:13 PM
Hmm.. heh heh just came back from a movie =P
It was really nice ..angelina Jolie ....hee hEE good body =P~
Well.. the show had a very unpredictable plot and i pity angelIna Jolie....god she had sex with the killer unknowingly =|...
anyway mayb Ethan haWk was too hot to resist heh heh
Well.. Taking Lives is great . You ought to watch the show =P
It was really nice ..angelina Jolie ....hee hEE good body =P~
Well.. the show had a very unpredictable plot and i pity angelIna Jolie....god she had sex with the killer unknowingly =|...
anyway mayb Ethan haWk was too hot to resist heh heh
Well.. Taking Lives is great . You ought to watch the show =P
12:21 AM
Thursday, April 08, 2004
Hmmm well today was a bit lonely =|
ha haa i just didn't know wat to talk to my friends abt today maybe i was too tired... i was like kinda left out when they were suddenly inconciously paired up talking non stop abt some stuff.. and suddenly i felt very alone.. wow the last time i had this feeling when i was in primary school ... i was always the quiet ger... suddenly i felt weird.. Lol first time i was like out of things to say..maybe i was too tired? i Can't be bothered to walk a tiny bit faster to tok to Ps and Ep... lol anyway it lasted for a short while then i was back to my blabbering self...
Hmm...H and B are so cute .. each time we three talked together it was about some sexual stuff... dun get me wrong but they always hover ard topics like French kissing...etc etc and today it was on Love bite But's it's interesting to get an idea of how 18 yr olds think abt relationships anyway =P H was like... i guess looks play quite an important part? She asked me if i find my bf handsome...well i say so so then she asked whY r u with him then ... HMmm diONkz... duh... Not only looks matter my dear....we are all going to look wrinkled and smelly =|
Hmm... soon the exams will start bleah... haiz i hope i do well this time round not that i did badly last term.. i got an C,B,B,B,A,A,A LOL not bad hor but this term everything seems so much harder sad sia sad =|
ha haa i just didn't know wat to talk to my friends abt today maybe i was too tired... i was like kinda left out when they were suddenly inconciously paired up talking non stop abt some stuff.. and suddenly i felt very alone.. wow the last time i had this feeling when i was in primary school ... i was always the quiet ger... suddenly i felt weird.. Lol first time i was like out of things to say..maybe i was too tired? i Can't be bothered to walk a tiny bit faster to tok to Ps and Ep... lol anyway it lasted for a short while then i was back to my blabbering self...
Hmm...H and B are so cute .. each time we three talked together it was about some sexual stuff... dun get me wrong but they always hover ard topics like French kissing...etc etc and today it was on Love bite But's it's interesting to get an idea of how 18 yr olds think abt relationships anyway =P H was like... i guess looks play quite an important part? She asked me if i find my bf handsome...well i say so so then she asked whY r u with him then ... HMmm diONkz... duh... Not only looks matter my dear....we are all going to look wrinkled and smelly =|
Hmm... soon the exams will start bleah... haiz i hope i do well this time round not that i did badly last term.. i got an C,B,B,B,A,A,A LOL not bad hor but this term everything seems so much harder sad sia sad =|
4:28 PM
I try to stay away from evil deeds but succumb to temptation every once in a while. I'm not quite on my way to hell but I certainly have some explaining to do.
Are you evil? find out at Hilowitz.com
4:21 PM
Saturday, April 03, 2004
#DDA0DD |
Your dominant hues are red and blue. You're confident and like showing people new ideas. You play well with others and can be very influential if you want to be. Your saturation level is low - You stay out of stressful situations and advise others to do the same. You may not be the go-to person when something really needs done, but you know never to blow things out of proportion. Your outlook on life is bright. You see good things in situations where others may not be able to, and it frustrates you to see them get down on everything. |
.. hmm plum? =S i like purple though.
10:19 PM
maybe that's wat everyone is seeking ..... love?
Anyway dun you miss the days when u could just bawl like a small little ger and cuddle into your mother arms when something bad happens?
I miss the days when my family was much closer.. it was nice to have yr family ard joking laffing.... watching tv together..... i am missing it so much of course my family is still ard just that some things have changed... sis gets busy ..... dad mostly at work if not he will cooped himself in the bedroom.. Me always typing disastrous reports.... Always glued to pc...
I miss the times where we all laffed... my sis ard to give me an arm to cry on when things turned really bad... i know we all have grown up but i really miss the nolstalgic feelings =|
Life has become such a realist at times... everything maybe that's why humans began to embark on the journey of finding love... anyway when everything is so real... only love can make u feel like everything is a dream...as if u were flying ard in wings... lol =)
It's a long time since i had that feeling.. the feeling of when someone holds your hand and the feeling ....there's nothing to describe it... better than ice cream ...better than everything.... and when u lay on his arms.... u feel like he is the one.. you dun ever want to let go again... searching so far so long... finally he came...and weirdly tears began to fall... was it knowing things between you and him wouldnt last or u dun want to admit there's true love... for love always seem to fail you.
Isnt it sad how things change pple change love change...
Nothing is forever... maybe the world has progressed too much way too much... where all our inner feelings are neglected.. wats the use of having everything when u r empty on the inside...
Bleah since when i get so emotional.. and i tot was turning into a stone....
Anyway dun you miss the days when u could just bawl like a small little ger and cuddle into your mother arms when something bad happens?
I miss the days when my family was much closer.. it was nice to have yr family ard joking laffing.... watching tv together..... i am missing it so much of course my family is still ard just that some things have changed... sis gets busy ..... dad mostly at work if not he will cooped himself in the bedroom.. Me always typing disastrous reports.... Always glued to pc...
I miss the times where we all laffed... my sis ard to give me an arm to cry on when things turned really bad... i know we all have grown up but i really miss the nolstalgic feelings =|
Life has become such a realist at times... everything maybe that's why humans began to embark on the journey of finding love... anyway when everything is so real... only love can make u feel like everything is a dream...as if u were flying ard in wings... lol =)
It's a long time since i had that feeling.. the feeling of when someone holds your hand and the feeling ....there's nothing to describe it... better than ice cream ...better than everything.... and when u lay on his arms.... u feel like he is the one.. you dun ever want to let go again... searching so far so long... finally he came...and weirdly tears began to fall... was it knowing things between you and him wouldnt last or u dun want to admit there's true love... for love always seem to fail you.
Isnt it sad how things change pple change love change...
Nothing is forever... maybe the world has progressed too much way too much... where all our inner feelings are neglected.. wats the use of having everything when u r empty on the inside...
Bleah since when i get so emotional.. and i tot was turning into a stone....
12:24 PM
